Only me to blame
by WhiteFoxLia
Summary: Alice, she looks likes she's sleeping. Peacefully. I smile, but it soon drops as images of the accident flashesthrough my mind, in quick succession. It makes me wonder if she'll ever wake up because this guilt I'm beaering doesn't want to go away.


**Summary-I caused the accident, I was the one that put her in this condition so why is no one blaming? They should, and I won't ever stop, even if Alice were to wake up.**

**Title-Only me to blame**

This is the ending of the eighth week now, nearly in the third month. It's been an agonizingly slow and torturous two months since the accident, the accident that I caused, which has put me precious Alice into this catatonic state. I wipe away a few stray tears and brush my black hair from my face. Her once beautiful black spiky hair has now lost its-usual some may say unnatural-shine. Her pale face is covered in still healing bruises, cuts and scars. Her right leg is in a cast, which we've all signed and drawn on. Especially her brother-in-law. She's wearing a ridiculous hospital gown that hangs of her petite and thin frame. It makes her look even smaller, and that worries me. I don't want her to do that. I want her to come back. I reach into my bag and pull out a tissue so that I can wipe away my tears.

I ignore the footsteps that walk in, even when the door closes I pay no attention. Not even when a warm and gentle hand is placed on my shoulder. I scoff internally. I don't deserve their comfort, not after all the pain and heartache that I've caused them since I've known them. It wouldn't be right for them to be nice to me now.

Several minutes pass. I'm still staring at the beautiful woman in the hospital bed. I haven't dared to turn around to see her family, and all the disappoint worry and sadness etched on their faces. I don't think I could bare it; I'd probably break down as well.

The hand on my shoulder squeezes lightly then she lets go to have a quiet word with her son, who I can hear silently crying.

"How are you feeling?" I turn and scowl at the blonde.

"Why would you care? It doesn't matter anyway, I'm suppose-." I cut myself off to stop my usual rambling that's bound to happen. She scoffs and yanks me off the chair and to my feet. I'm only slightly shorter than her, but since she's wearing heels I have to look up into her electrifying blue eyes. She's not scowling; her face is full of concern and worry. I chuckle darkly and try to pull away from her, but to no avail. She has vice like grip on my jacket and is most likely not going to let go until she's gotten it off her chest.

I relax and calm myself down so I can listen to her. "This is not your fault Keira, none of this is, do you hear me. No matter what you're thinking it's not your fault that this happened, it was that other assholes that were driving, and trust me when I say that they'll pay for this." I find the words odd coming from her, I know we've never gotten along, even though I've been with her sister since I was nineteen and that was over five years ago. I nearly smile as I think about the years, the amazing years that I've had with my Alice and her amazing family.

"Okay?" I nod and she lets me go with a firm shake. And also with a silent warning to reprimand me for trying to push the blame on myself again, which she knows I'll do since it is my fault. I sigh and takes up my earlier position. I peer over my shoulder look at the rest of her family. There's Esme here, Edward and his mate Luce. We've never really gotten along me and her; I think that has to do with the fact that I used to date Edward.

I shudder. What a horrible mistake that turned out to be. There's Jasper and Bella sitting on a small beige sofa by the window next to Emmett and Rosalie, who are talking quietly amongst themselves. Esme smiles at me, I try and smile back but I'm sure it comes out as a pained grimace.

She starts to walk over to me, but I shuffle further back in the chair causing her to stop. I don't even know why she wants to come and talk to me for, I've been nothing but trouble to them. When all of this started a few months ago, just after the accident when I was also recovering, I kept wondering to myself that maybe it would've been better if I would never had met Edward. Then if I hadn't met him I wouldn't have met the rest of his family, and Alice of course, my amazingly talented and gorgeous Alice.

I lean over her on the bed and kiss her on the forehead, she doesn't stir like she would have if this were a Disney film. Nope, she just lies there, still as a statue. I shake my head and sit back down only to be disturbed seconds later my Esme. She sits on the edge of Alice's neat and tidy better and takes one of my hands. She smiles at me, concern and worry evident on her features.

"Yes Esme?"

"I just wanted to ask you how you are. Since the last time we visited you hadn't eaten anything in a while, and you even refused to go home dear. I'm getting worried; you should go home and rest."

I growl and glare at her. "It's not me you should be worried about. I'm not the one in a fucking coma." Her face softens even more that I thought possible.

"I know, and I am. We all are, but we're also very worried about you." She squeezes my hand then lets go carefully, as if I'd break. "Maybe you should go home and get some rest, maybe eat something and have a shower. It's not good for you to stay here for as long as you have." I growl again.

"I'm doing fine." She frowns then goes over to Rosalie and Emmett. When Esme starts talking they both spare a short glance at me from the other side of the fairly large room.

I shrug it off and focus back on my Alice as she sleeps, hopefully free of the horrific dreams she used to have. I have been woken up so many times by her thrashing and screaming, usually about this blonde haired tracker with blood red eyes. I used to hug her and whisper to her that everything is okay. She'd settle eventually then I'd lie awake and hold her until I feel asleep.

"Hey midget." My eyes snap over to Emmett and glare at the use of my hated nickname. He has on a wide grin while walking towards me. I tense up in as he draws near not really sure what to be expecting here. He beckons over Jasper who kisses Bella on the cheek then comes over to us. "Stop being so hard on yourself. Now come on, us three are going to go back to our house, and you are going to have a shower, eat, then rest for a few hours." I growl at Jasper. "You can come back here tomorrow. She's going to be fine Keira, you have nothing to worry about." I glare at Emmett when he pulls my hand off Alice's and pulls me up out of the chair.

"Let me go Emmett." He frowns and takes a hold of my wrist.

"Now let's go. She's going to be fine. I promise you."

I frown. "What if she wakes up and I'm not here?"

"Esme will call immediately." I soften my face and give in. They let me say a good-bye, then we exit the hospital and go to our home. Once they pull up outside the wooden mansion I immediately stalk upstairs to mine ad Alice's room to have a shower while Emmett and Jasper cook me up something.

I take the shortest shower in the history of the world and grab my towel and dry myself once I'm sitting on my queen size bed. I blow dry my hair and put on grey washed jeans, a red button up shirt and a black vest top. They're in the kitchen when I go downstairs.

Jasper smiles at me and hands me a plate. My stomach growls, it feels uncomfortable. I sit down at the island and take a fork full of food towards my mouth, my stomach grumbles and I put it in my mouth. It tastes okay but it's making me feel sick. Emmett nods at me encouragingly and I swallow.

We have small talk while I'm eating, nothing to dampen the mood. They even crack a few jokes about their new fighting style that they're 'inventing'. They would demonstrate but they don't since Esme will be pissed at them if they break anything, like the last time they broke a glass table that went in the living room. Esme was livid when she found out. It was hilarious.

"So midget, we are going to play on the ps3, while you sleep. And I promise that we'll wake you up if we get a call." I raise an eyebrow at them.

"Okay, but I'm sleeping in the living room with you guys. I don't feel like sleeping in our bed."They nod in understanding. Jasper gets up to get me a pillow and blanket. I grab them from him and get comfortable on the sofa opposite them.

I yawn and stretch out, they both start playing a game, and the noise from the T.V lulls me to sleep.

"Keira, come on wake up." My eyes snap open and I bolt up from the cosy position that I was in.

"Alice? Is she okay?" Jasper puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. I frown and my worry increases.

"She's fine, it's just you've been asleep since yesterday, we called Esme and she told us to let you sleep. So we did." I growl and push Jasper away from and get up, I pace along the front of the living room in front of the glass wall. I let out a frustrated sigh and turn towards my 'family'.

"We're sorry, but there was no change. She's still the same as yesterday." Emmett says sadly. I wipe back a tear and run my hand through my tangle black hair. Jasper comes up to me and pulls me into a hug. I rest my head against his chest as more tears fall. I sniffle and cling to him tighter. The tears soak through his shirt and I pull back and grimace up at Jasper. He kisses my forehead and leads me over to the sofa next to a very worried Emmett. Another sob racks my body and I curl into a ball next to him, my head resting on his leg. His hand strokes my head and he hums soothingly.

"E-Emmett?"

"Yeah midget." His voice sounds strained, he's probably crying aswell.

"What if she doesn't wake up?" I sniffle and rub my forearm across my face to wipe away tears. "I don't want her to leave me, its break me. I don't think I could l-live anymore." He picks me up into his lap. I bury my head against his neck. Another hand settles on my back and rubs in a small circle.

"I d-don't know." Tears fall from the usually happy guys eyes and onto my cheek. He pulls away from me and stands up, he leans on the arm of the sofa. His short curly black hair is long enough to obscure his eyes form my view. But I can still see the tears as they trail down his cheek.

"Emmett, Keira, you guys ready to go?" I nod and go upstairs to get dressed. I put a hoodie over the black vest nice I've taken off the button up shirt, then I switch the grey washed jeans to boot cut deep blue jeans.

"Keira let's go." I run back down the stairs to the bathroom down here. I brush my teeth then go to the car that's by the steps.

We're back at the dull hospital in about twenty minutes. I leap out the car and run to Alice's room. I open the door and immediately look at her. She hasn't changed, I frown. That bit of information is enough to darken my mood. I push passed Edward and hug her, my head falls into her chest. I cry for I don't know how long, but it's dark by the time I pull away. I turn my sore red eyes to the chair by her bed and look at an upset Esme and surprisingly distraught Rosalie and a sullen Edward.

I look back up to Alice's face and smile then press a kiss to her pale chin. "I miss you so much." I whimper and cling to the stupid blue hospital night gown.

No one else dares to say a thing as I stand up and go over to the window. I can feel all of their eyes on me, I bravely turn around to face them.

"She's going-"

"STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT!" I heave a breath and sink to the floor into a heap. I curl my arms as far as I can into my chest as I can and close my eyes. "What if she isn't, what if she doesn't wake up. It'll be my fucking fault, you should be angry at me. Hit me, scream at me. Just do SOMETHING. I DESERVE IT." My breath comes in faster and I can hardly catch my breath. My chest constricts and I wince.

"Keira can you hear me?" I nod, my breathing coming in even harsher. "Okay good, now listen to my breathing, I'm gonna need you to breathe with me. Can you do that?" I nod again. I listen and I do hear his breathing, but I can't do it. It makes it even more painful. I can faintly feel hands on both of my shoulders and the breathing becomes more prominent.

It's easier to copy now, I can just about match it with this persons. "Good okay, now keep doing this." I follow his breathing for what seems hours. I open my eyes slowly and see Carlisle sitting in front of me. He smiles at me. I copy him as best as I can.

Hands wrap around me and pull me to my feet. The room is blurry and I'm moved back to the seat by her bed.

I can hear Carlisle usher everyone out of the room, but I have no idea why until I see brown eyes staring at me. A smile lights up her face. And she beckons me over.

I immediately-well as quick I can with my blurry vision-move over to her and hug her. No tears come; I think I must've run out. That wouldn't surprise me considering the lake I've just sobbed. She whispers into my ear and I smile. Feeling alot of comfort from her words alone.

"I've missed you so much." She kisses my head and I look up at her to kiss her chapped lips properly. She smiles weakly before coughing into her hand.

"Hi." He voice is hoarse and I reach over to the table where my bottle of water is. I unscrew the cap and hand it to her. She drinks the entire thing and winces after she's handed me the empty bottle.. "That hurt."

"Do you want me to get Carlisle?" She shakes her head with difficulty and hugs me tighter. I take all of my weight though, so I don't put any pressure onto her body at all. She sighs and nods her head into my shoulder after more thinking.

"I'll be right back, Okay?" She smiles. I run out the room and look around the hall. I smile and see Carlisle with the rest of the family. He smiles softly at me, and the others look relieved that I didn't do anything drastic.

Carlisle touches Esme's arm then walks so I can meet me halfway. "I had Esme check on her while you were recovering; she's said she's fine. She should be fully healed in a matter of months."

I grin and hug Carlisle, which soon turns into a frown. Why would she say that she was fine, she just told me she was in pain? I sigh "That's so long though. Oh and she wants some more pain medication. She was hurting just now." Emmett laughs.

"What on earth did you to her to make her hurt already?" I glare at him, which makes him wear a shit-eating grin.

"Nothing you fool, but come on." I walk back into the room, they all follow me. They take their turn to hug Alice while I sit next to her on the bed and watch with concern. She winces faintly when Emmett hugs her. I growl in the back of my throat and Alice sends me a reprimanding look. I shrug and continue to stare at Emmett until he lets go.

"We're so glad you're awake honey." Esme kisses her forehead and hugs her daughter. I smile and lie down slowly, so I don't move her leg.

"How long was I asleep for?" I frown and decide to stare at Carlisle as he gives her enough medication to make the pain go away for now. Her eyes sort of unfocus for a few seconds before they lock onto my worried ones.

She smiles before closing her eyes, hopefully into a dreamless state, one of which she will wake up soon. I take her hand in mine and lean back on the bed. Everyone around us is talking and I listen to them, but not really understand what they're saying, just hearing their mumblings.

My eyes fall back to my sleeping beauty and I think how lucky I am to have her awake, and alive. I love her and I don't know what I'd do if she were'nt in my life. I kiss her cheek softly then lean my head against my neck, I slowly drift off as well and I swear I heard the words 'I love you too' whispered in my ear before sleep over takes me.

**Thanks for reading this short one-shot. I hope you like Keira, I promise she won't always be as upset and mopey all the time in the other story that I will hopefully write in the next few months, but with the circumstances she and the Cullen's are under I think it is understandable. She's actyually quite a cocky, arrogant person.**

**Oh and if it's not much trouble would you mind reading mine and Tommy411's story. It's called 'Assassins Fantasy'.**

**Reviews are very welcome :D**

**Lia **


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